Does Fear Rule You?

Illustration from The Trial to the Woods, by Clarence Hawkes; courtesy of the Internet Archive Book Images
Illustration from The Trial to the Woods, by Clarence Hawkes; courtesy of the Internet Archive Book Images

Fear is good: a safeguard hardwired into the BIOS, warning of potential threats. I don’t know about you, but I kind of like having an internal mechanism that stops me from driving off cliffs, poking sharks in their eyes, and telling random people that they should lick my bottom.

The shortcoming of having this system so baked in, is that it leaves us susceptible. There are those ready to prey on this instinct, and how acutely we react to its alerts. It’s also more difficult than we realize to stave off these assaults.

The fact is, you make for a good dog when you’re frightened. You become obedient, open to suggestion, and more likely to fall in line than challenge perceived threats.

This might sound overly heady, but you know it to be true. With age we find ourselves less apt to embrace adventure, as the risks seem higher. In college, you’ll travel to unfamiliar places because the desire to explore outweighs any associated risk. Things change, later in life. With kids, a mortgage, and the need to bring home a pay check, you’re much more likely to just stay put in your little bungalow and watch benign-seeming sitcoms.

Advertisers know this, and are happy to send up false threats in order to keep you in place—and spending. Life insurance, “guaranteed” investments, “safe” SUVs, cell phones ready for those ever-present roadside emergency situations… there are countless ways to profit from those of us who put too much credence into those “what if?” questions.

To live a full life, we must wrestle these fears into submission. We need to find ways to silence/ignore the propaganda that aims to keep us docile and complacent. Our real apprehension should be of reaching the finish line and realizing that our fear kept us from having actually lived at all.

Comments

  1. That Marketing guy, Seth Godin* refers to this pre-programmed fear as ‘The Lizard’ brain – stopping us from taking risks, keeping us plodding about doing safe stuff. People mostly like their comfort zones right? Similar theory, and yes, Marketing people really try to tap in to that!

    If we never take risks though, where are the rewards to be won?

    * Whose books are not as well written as your one.

  2. Yes. I do live in fear and I know it. I fear my children being led astray by seeming friends, though I’m sure fearing it will likely cause it. I fear my wife will tire of me always being too tired for her. I fear my boss will figure out I haven’t got the slightest idea what I’m doing, that I wing it all the time – I’ve been promoted far past my level of competence. I fear my life will become even more unaffordable than it is (we’re only pretending to be able to buy both gas AND food now – but isn’t that what retirement savings are for? How is it that 4 years ago, we made less money but had $200 extra every month, and now we make more and are $1,500 in the hole when the bills come due?)

    1. Believe me, you aren’t alone in these fears. Here’s how I’ve ultimately responded to the same fears when I’ve had them:

      “I fear my children being led astray by seeming friends.”
      All I can do is be there for my kids and try to equip them to make good decisions. Beyond that, they are their own people, and I can’t take responsibility for all of their choices.

      “I fear my wife will tire of me always being too tired for her.”
      Some times are harder than others, and require more time at the office. They won’t last forever, though. For now, I spend every moment that I can with my family; as more time becomes available, I will do so even more.

      “I fear my boss will figure out I haven’t got the slightest idea what I’m doing.”
      None of us really know as little, nor as much, as we think. I’ll do all I can to provide good work to those who employ me. Should they decide that’s not enough, I’ll have to change course, but it won’t be the end of me.

      “I fear my life will become even more unaffordable than it is.”
      I’ll try to find ways to be happier with less, and enjoy things that don’t require as much money.

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